Maybe it's obvious. Maybe I'm the only one who missed the memo. But it seems that boundaries are strange things that are relative to the person they apply to. More simply speaking, what may be overstepping the line to one person may not be for another. I guess I should have figured this out long ago--it makes so much sense, after all--but I am just beginning to discover the wonders of boundary setting.
I have some friends at work who hold completely different standards than I do. For instance, one of them has a new boyfriend each week (as I didn't go to public school growing up, I am really not used to this phenomenon), one of them thinks the whole world is pointless but music lyrics hold great meaning, and another thinks that cussing every other word is the only way to sound cool.
The girl that has a new boyfriend every week is someone my mother would consider "loose." Every time I share a shift with her, she seems to be bragging about the crazy week or weekend that she had with her new man, not caring who overhears and not caring how uncomfortable I get over the details she lavishly gets into. My boundaries want her to be quiet, especially around customers, and walk away. Hers say she can be quite a bit louder and more descriptive before she's said too much.
I bring this up because I have also found that my coworkers do not always respect my boundaries. in the case of this girl, she will talk and talk and talk even after I've tried walking away and have made strange expressions showing her I don't like what she's saying and have showed that I have lost interest. Even after I turn to her and tell her to stop, she doesn't care to. She talks to her heart's content, about anything she feels like talking about at that moment.
But there are some others who do respect my boundaries, even those who are highly conscious of where my boundaries lie. One of my coworkers asks several times during the week whether he has overstepped his bounds and made me uncomfortable. Because of this we are able to talk about almost anything, because he knows that I will tell him when he has made me uncomfortable, and I know that he will respect my boundaries about what I feel is appropriate conversation. We are able to form a bond that I am not able to form with my other coworkers who disregard my boundaries, because I feel that I cannot trust them. If they are unwilling to be conscious of how I feel, then how can I trust them with my innermost thoughts and feelings and really let them into my life?
I feel that society today has forgotten how to respect other people's boundaries. But respecting boundaries is highly essential to creating strong, healthy relationships. Without them, people can easily and carelessly disrespect and offend each other without realizing why. This simple concept has been lost to most people I know, but those who are able to grasp even the slightest understanding of this are, in my opinion, better socially than most. Maybe society should be reminded of this simple idea. It might make life a little easier for all of us.
